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Getting both my ears pierced. Well, that was anearly permanent-tattoo of femininity, just inches from my face. Justinches from my life-giving jugular vein.Kristen glanced at my outfit and my smoothly waxed legs, my flat crotchin the tight jeans, my effeminate short haircut and my lightly made upface. "Hi Shawn," she said, smiling at me. "Because you're under 18,Marilyn brought in the waiver signed by your mom. You're here to getour basic two ear lobe piercing, which is free with our $19.95 starterkit. We'll go through the piercing procedure, let you select yourearrings, and then go over the after-care procedures that you need tofollow at home." She handed me a clipboard. Held down by a metal clipwas a white piece of paper with purple writing and a large Claire's logoat the top. It was a consent form for getting my ears pierced, and hadalready been completed in Marilyn's neat handwriting with my name,address and date of birth. My mother's signature graced the bottom. I remember going into the bathroom with a Sharpie marker, taking my shirt off, and drawing some silly design to further my ridicule of whatever the issue at hand had been. I wish I knew what led to that decision, but it really doesn't matter that much. What matters is I was playfully attempting a somewhat absurd exhibit of writing on my chest to argue for my point or against theirs. It didn't work out as I anticipated, though. I walked out of the bathroom, grinning stupidly as I approached the dining room table where my mom, dad, grandma, aunt, and cousin sat chatting. As I got nearby, my mom half shrieked/half whispered my name in terror, and everyone immediately focused on me as I stood there confused. "Turn around and cover up!" she whispered to me, her face red with anger and embarrassment.It took a moment for me to realize what was happening. I looked down and realized the issue. The lounge pants I was wearing had a fly with a button on them, and I wore them without underwear.
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