You blamed her for the very things that kept you in her good graces. You blamed her for being compassionate. You blamed her for getting hurt. And she took it all onto herself because that’s what a generous woman does. But I am your damage control. I showed up on her doorstep at three in the morning. Shortly after you tore her heart in two and stomped on it without regard to what would happen to her. You wanted to be free and you got what you wanted, because she was just strong enough to let you go. But letting you go took the last shred of foundation she had. And then she was left with nothing at all. So at three in the morning, there I was. Do you want to know what I found? A woman, broken and terrified. A woman crying tears that would not stop. A woman shaking, trembling, quaking with the fear of her worst nightmare coming true. A woman who clutched your picture like it was a lifejacket in a hurricane. A woman who looked at me with uncomprehending eyes and asked me why you had. .. for... Joe on his last birthday or I should say the last birthday I was with him. Joe! That was his name. I had almost forgotten his name! How many birthdays have passed by now? I have no idea. In my mind, I am suddenly back at home with him. He unscrews the cap and pours two glasses. One for him. One for me. I lift the glass to my lips and I am met by a pungent, peaty medicinal tang. Then the taste. Smouldering, smokey, autumnal sensations spread across my tongue. The sip leaves a burning heat as I swallow. How that memory burns once more! How strange that it should be so strong, so potent and triggered merely by the name on a bottle. Have they done that on purpose or is that just coincidence? Because this time the memory still hurts. As I leave the bottle on the side table, I catch Neena looking at me."Vyerochka – is there anything wrong?" Nyet, Gaspazha. Spaseeba." Vyerka! You are not being true to your name."Oh how these people seem always able to look right through me! It.
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