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" It's just so hard to get together the energy to think about it." Yeah, well, tough. That's what you have to do. If you don't, you'll have plenty of time to wallow later."I sighed. "You're right. I'll let you know if I hear from him. Thanks Cheryl."As I started thinking about it, I realized there was something I had to do. I picked up the phone and made the call. I left on my lunch hour at noon.Ten minutes later I was at my gynecologist's office. The panic in my voice had convinced her to fit me in for an emergency appointment during her lunch hour. I told her I'd been very stupid without filling in the details. She did all the tests but told me that for HIV, it could be six months before anything would show up. I think that revelation would have pushed me over the edge had I not remembered something Danny had told me many times before. "Worrying has no value, Beth. Either you can do something or you can't. If there is nothing to do, worrying won't fix it. But if there is something. Another handjob, another wank. The feelings were intense but just lacked the satisfaction of a real fuck which made the whole event slightly pointless, other than releasing, for the time being, the sexual tension in my body. I looked down at the white milky mess of spunk pooling on my chest and on my tummy, coating my hand and running down my still hard cock. A familiar sight these days since my marriage was over, in fact long before that, as the sex had finished some time ago.Looking at the mess I made a promise to myself, I would find another partner – not for life as I was happy being on my own for the time being, but I did miss the sex and masturbation was not a good substitute. What I wanted was a fuck buddy, a ‘friend with benefits’ with whom to share that missing element in my life.But how to find such a soul-mate? The internet of course, with web sites for anything and everything there had to be a place to find a fuck buddy. The only issue with internet dating is that you are.
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