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They not only saw a sissy transvestite who was not a realmale, but one who was surrendering to the seduction of a man.He spoke to me for another 20 minutes talking to me about my fetishesand his whilst caressing my leg, occasionally brushing over my swellingcock as I was getting more light-headed.Then came the point where he just grabbed me by the wrist, firmly, butgently, pulled me off my stool and pulled me towards him. I felt so weakand helpless. Any resistance was only token. He was so big, strong andathletic and I so small effeminate and weak. And as if that weren'tenough, I was dressed like a little sissified, androgynous faggot.He placed his lips over mine and forced his powerful tongue down mythroat. The stubble; the masculinity of it was a little off-putting, butthe sheer helplessness of my situation and the humiliation of being soforcibly seduced by a man in front of the bemused eyes of countlessother men and women in a crowded bar was so arousingly humiliating.Shortly. At last the meal is over. I pay for everything and run from the restaurant. I go home and cry myself to sleep. I never see David again although I do receive an invitation to his wedding. It is the same woman. I discard it fiercely. As autumn turns to winter my mood changes to leaden depression. There are many days I don't get up except to read my mail. Nothing but junk and bills. I pay the bills morosely. When I go to bars it is to get drunk and be picked up. I spend a lot of time in strange beds with men I don't remember meeting. I don't even feel anything with them. I will never be a real woman anyway. I never bring anyone home. I hardly talk except for what's necessary. I wish something new would happen to me. I again consider seeing a psychiatrist. It seems like too much trouble. I discard all thought of change. I eat, drink, weep, and provide a receptacle for men who are doing the same. Sometimes I can get up enough energy to watch TV. I never remember afterwards what I have.
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