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Johnny came home from school late; he was nothing like his dad, all kind and sweet“You look nice are you going out” he said“Johnny I have to tell you something, your dads having an affair and left”“The shit, he’s a right looser, why are you dressed up”“I’m going out, if he can do it, so can I”Johnny hugged me tight and I was sure I could feel a boner against my leg.“I made your tea it’s in the fridge, if that alright, I might see you when I get back,” I saidThe pub was dismal for nice looking men, here I was sat, all five foot eight of me wearing a black short skirt, a tight top to show off my ample 36c tits and no one has tried to chat me up. I so wanted someone to fuck me and as the night got later the drink started to take affect so I went home.Johnny was in the living room when I returned “Mam you look drunk”He has always called me mam and I went to hug him for being so sweet. I fell off balance as I bent down towards the sofa and landed on top of him.“Sorry I slipped”I rolled off. Iknew immediately where I was. I was in the hospital. But then I lookedat my hand. I looked at the back of my hand and it did not look right. Ifound myself thinking that my hand should be beautiful. That is needed tobe smooth and soft and that the nails should be shaped and polished.What guy thinks that way? Hands are for work. They are used for holdingtools, carrying heavy things, writing notes if needed, clenching intofists and being used as weapons, occasionally. Not things of beauty. Thethought was totally wrong, but somehow, completely right.I knew from that very minute something was amiss, and it was not just thatI was in hospital.There was a nurse walking towards me. I saw her. She stopped. She said,"You're awake." Which I was, of course. And then she hurried off.The next person to appear was my wife Janis. She had not been sittingbeside the bed as she later told me she had been for days - she nipped outfor a coffee. She took my hand. That awful rough hand. .
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