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The other thing, the more important thing, was I stopped trying and so did she. When we got married,I told myself I was lucky and I meant it. She’s amazing. But when I allow myself to be honest, I haven’t looked at her thatway for some time. And I didn’t want to any longer. These one-night affairs I had on the road taught me a couple of things about myself. Or rather, those hours on the airplane flying home from some strange city allowed me to stop rationalizing what I was doing and admit to myself what I really needed. Her divorcing me was only the kick in the ass to get me to wake up.I realized women were nice, but that they didn’t really do anything for me anymore. I’ve had my chances and always turned them down, gently. And then said yes when a guy would message me on the app.The other thing I realized was that I wanted my coworker. This was problematic, as he was married and already rejected me. I made all the excuses for him I could but in the end him not coming up to my room. It usually took me about ten minutes to get a new belt stencilled. I paid a dollar for the extra belts, and sold them, stencilled, for ten dollars each.After getting the dollar changed from the girl behind the bar, the two women walked over to the jukebox and started pressing their selections. The first song they played was "Born To Lose" by Eddy Arnold. I watched as the two girls started swaying their hips in front of the music player.After that first song was nearly finished, the girl who'd hit me up for the dollar came over and slid herself into the booth across the way from where I sat."I let Dee pick out half the songs. She picked that one we just played. I picked this one." As she said this, "Everybody Loves Somebody" by Dean Martin started playing. "Why don't you ask me to dance, mister?" I would, except I can't dance." This was almost true. I could dance, but didn't want to make a fool of myself by staggering around with her while I was already more than half in the bag from.
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