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"We women, Sugar," reminded Delia. "You are one of us now!"Reiko chimed in with a familiar chant, "One of us! One of us!" and we alldecended into a mass of giggles and bonding. I felt closer to these girlsthan anyone in my life.As we pulled up to the chain restaurant, I groaned inwardly. It's lunchtime rush, so it will be full of people. They will see through me, andknow I am not a real woman. I felt the waves of paranoia and fear."I can do this," I said to my girls as we got out of the car. "I am out inpublic...as a woman!" The craziness and absurdity of the changes the dayhad brought left me breathless, but the challenge made me want to succeedall the more.PART IXI had ordered a small chicken and apple salad, but barely ate half. Reikohad a double cheeseburger fries and a shake, and Delia ordered a salmonand almond salad that looked really delicious.As I sipped my sweet tea, I smiled at them. "So let me answer some of thequestions. No it did not hurt a bit, One second I was sitting. “When you sit quietly, alone, your mind fills the silence with memories and thoughts. They float, glimpses of events, feelings, good or bad. They keep you company. I have nothing. I have a silent void, a blank slate, no cherished memories to keep me company. I have nothing to look back on with fondness, and nothing to look back on with anger, or embarrassment, or pride. I have nothing to fill the emptiness. I haven’t figured out how to cope with it.”He smiled slightly. “Nothing to worry about. Eventually I’ll adapt.”Addison brought her knees up and cuddled closer. “I can help,” she said. “I can tell you about things that happened.”Dad slipped his arm around her and squeezed. “Maybe. Stories won’t replace feelings or emotions. Don’t worry about it, honey. It is what it is.”Cuddled to his side, Addison picked up his scent. It was different. She tried to understand why. Then it hit her. Dad used to wear aftershave. Now he didn’t. Now, his smell was different, cleaner, yet distinct and.
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