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Or is she tired because you’ve worn her out?”Denise gave an enigmatic smile. “Merlot?”“You know me to well. Has Clemency been in?”“I haven’t seen her and, boy, she’s noticeable, isn’t she?”I wasn’t going to argue with her. I’d almost persuaded myself not to come out that evening, but I didn’t seem to be totally in control of my mind. Strange things, the silk handkerchief, my locket, the refilled glass, not forgetting my dreams. Such dreams: they were vivid, erotic and draining. They seemed almost more real than my waking events. Just the thought of that second dream made me wet. The way her tongue, I’d known it was her tongue, invaded me. Christ.I stayed for two glasses but she didn’t turn up, so I grabbed my coat, said goodbye to Denise, who gave me a sympathy hug, and left. I turned up my collar against the chilly breeze and clattered my way along the dark streets. Rounding a corner, lost in thought I almost bumped into someone. I muttered an apology and walked on. I stopped and. I realized I was in love. When I finally accepted that, my heart broke. Staring at you, I realized I was setting myself up to be hurt. You were going to die. Your lungs were weak and your heart was failing, your body slowly shutting down. You were on life support while the doctors got the paperwork together for me to sign. I was your only family so I had to be the one to do it. It hurt me so much. I asked them, begged them for another way, but there wasn’t. As I put the pen down I thought back to when you had first come into my life. You were really the first man to love me. At first I didn’t see it. At first I just ignored you and tried to pretend that you didn’t exist, like maybe if I did you would just go away. But you persisted. When I was at the store or watching TV alone, I shift my gaze and suddenly see you there… and I always smiled. Even when my parents talked about how much you were going to destroy my life, I’d still smile. I knew it wasn’t true. You would have only made.
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