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He would tell me his cum was very precious and must not be wasted. I felt like his cum depository. For two months straight everyday I was forced to either eat his cum or had his cum vaginally deposited inside me, and sometimes even anally! After two months, I became pregnant, that was when he rejected me. I felt betrayed and angry, mostly angry at myself for being so stupid. He refused to marry me, and I was about to be deported because my student visa was about to expire. Sometimes I felt angry, sometimes I felt sad, but sometimes I had a strange feeling of satisfaction because I was impregnated by a white man. My baby will have more status after she or he is born. Strangely even though I was betrayed, I feel joyful deep inside down. I have provided my baby with better sustenance than I ever could. I have accomplished my mission as a woman. Maybe after my child is born he or she will look for his or her biological father, or maybe he or she will think his or her mother. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t stand anything getting in the way of me seeing him. Never again. I just can’t take it. So, I sit her down, and tell her that no, I’m not okay. Something has changed and I don’t feel the way I used to. I tell her that what we have, is not what I want anymore. She sits silently next to me, blinking hard before quiet, silvery tears trickle down her cheeks.Oh, man, I feel like shit. “I just don’t understand.” She says, over and over. I could explain it to her, make her understand. But the truth isn’t mine alone, so all I can manage is, “I’m sorry.”And truly, I am.She asks to stay the night and after everything I’ve done to her, I can’t deny her. She sleeps in one of my old t-shirts, as I lie stiffly next to her. I don’t know how to comfort a person when I am the very thing that’s hurting them. I sleep badly, woken every now and then by the muffled sounds of her crying.When morning finally dawns, I help her pack a bag of the things she’s left at my.
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