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.. how would I carry on?Could I get past her deceit those many years ago and forgive her? At first I didn't think so. But now ... now I'm not so certain. She couldn't take it back. She couldn't make it right at this late date. Could I live with that as well? She had to admit to her sin before I could decide. She had to acknowledge that she had inflicted another deep wound in me.And what about this act I had performed. The new, dominant Howard Carver. It was an act. I knew that. Could I sustain it? I doubted it. Perhaps in some less aggressive and challenging form. Someone I could actually become without disliking myself. I knew I would never be able to return to the softer, weaker person I had been. Edie would never respect me if I did and I would likely find her seeking another man once again. What would it take to create that excitement that she craved?Nothing had changed from yesterday. I still needed to know more about her. There were still secrets, I expected. Where were they. Want to get out of here?" I have a hotel room just a few blocks away," I said.She smiled as she collected her purse that the barman had kept out of sight for her. Blowing him a kiss, she locked arms with me as we left the bar, the music still audible half-way down the street as we walked up the steps into the hotel. It was a clear but air-less night, little wind coming in off the ocean. I was glad the room had air conditioning, it was the only way I had been able to get any sleep in the last few days.The lift was one of those small cramped affairs, just enough for 2 or perhaps 3 at a stretch. An iron gate across the front, a little judder as we set off upward to the fourth floor. Away from the club and the hot sweaty odours, I could now smell her perfume. It was understated but enough to draw my attention. Having had to raise voices to hear each other in there - I was amazed that we had even managed to hold a conversation of any kind. My ears were returning to normal now, as was my.
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