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What strange desires would I next manifest when in the presence of a black man, and in what way would I allow myself to be used and humiliated I pondered. I made a conscious decision that I would never do anything like that again and with that I drifted off to a troubled sleep. In my dreams I found myself naked running down the street, pulling at every black man I saw and begging him to use me to sate themselves with my body. And when I looked at their faces they were blank except for the eyes, the eyes of my mysterious exhibitionist turned lover. And then his face loomed at me, the face from the coffee house that had smiled at me but I had forgotten because of the intense passion that drew me to his eyes. His eyes were like a vortex of need and desire that drew me into them and roiled my mind and body before then spitting me out the other side. I awoke with a start when confronted with his face. I lay there for long minutes remembering his features, the lips in particular, not. I spoke not a word of Hindi, either, but that too was OK – they understood American currency just fine and we communicated with smiles and nods. Good for them for trying to make a better life for themselves and having the guts to move to a foreign country and open a business. It can’t be easy doing that in the States, where regulations often baffle even native-born Americans.On this muggy summer morning I pulled into the angled parking space along the hedge that separated the convenience store from the apartment complex next door and got out. The heat swarmed over me like a giant, wet dog that was too big and bulky for your lap but he wanted to be there anyway. The asphalt seemed partially melted and stuck to the bottoms of my shoes as I hurried to the front door – or was that 10 years of accumulated spilled Slurpees and dropped Skittles and chewing tobacco spit? Oh well.Inside it was cooler, but not a whole lot. At least not as chilly as Americans usually set their thermostats..
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