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”My sheepish grin said it all. “So what about you? What was tonight about for you?”Her eyes widened and she said, “You have to ask?”I nodded. “Getting your Paul Robert—”“No!” She slapped my arm playfully. “Okay, maybe. A little. But only because it was a way to prove that sex could be good, you know. That it could feel good for me.” She shook her head. “After James and his friends and then Steve, I was like ... I don’t know ... I felt as if sex was all about the guy getting his rocks off and there could be nothing in it for me. That’s one of the reasons I went to Amanda in the first place, you know? I figured that all these girls were raving about how good The Paul Robertson Experience was and I couldn’t believe they weren’t just bull-shitting, because it had never felt good for me. Ever. So I wanted to find out if it could. Then I got scared. And I’ve been running scared ever since. Putting it off and putting it off again.“Paul, you have no idea how many times I almost just jumped. I put my bottle down, because I’d been waving it around like a crazy man. ‘So get out of there, get your own place,’ she said, and sipped her own beer. I snorted, ‘I’m broke, remember?’ She looked away and said, very casually, ‘You could come stay with me at the beach house.’ I sighed. I was tempted, so tempted. ‘I don’t want to change my mind about moving in together just because I’m running away from home and need a place to crash,’ I said. She smiled a little, ‘It doesn’t have to be the only reason. Your circumstances have changed. That’s life. Besides, it’s not your home Jack, it’s hers.’ That stung. Plus it was true, I’d never felt comfortable in my mother’s condo. ‘Dance with me lover,’ she said, and pulled me onto the dance floor. For the next couple of hours, she made me forget all about Stan and the way he made the couch smell. I elected not to go home with her, because, I don’t know, I’m stupid or something. I think I was afraid if I did I’d lose my willpower.
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