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In my early teens my parents were going out most Saturday nights, leaving me and my seven-year-old brother in the custody of a babysitter. It was usually Pat who lived nearby. She was sixteen and kinda homely in my recollection. Nice enough though so we got along and did stuff for entertainment after my little sister went to bed around 9PM. The day after my fourteenth birthday was a Saturday.This day was different after sis bedded down. We were watching TV when Pat asked me if I’d lie down on the couch next to her. I didn’t know why but it was a “why not?” My parents didn’t breathe a word about sex to me. A friend had taught me about masturbation. Pat had well developed tits and we lay on our sides pressed together. She didn’t kiss me or I would have maybe gotten the idea. I didn’t make any moves so she took charge and pulled my hand to cup her still-clothed tit. Her hips pressed against mine which still had a flaccid organ. I followed directions, many non-verbal.Gradually our clothes. I looked at her, stared at her. She was trying to find a way to turn me down with as little hurt as possible. Fucking wonderful! I wasn't even going to get a chance to try. Well, I guess I shoulda been used to the humiliation by now. I decided to say so."I see," I said. "Well, I guess I managed to humiliate myself pretty good here, again. I'll be outta your hair within the hour. At least I should say that I do appreciate your honesty. I'll see a lawyer on Monday." I turned and headed upstairs. I was fast; well, the adrenalin was flowing. I had three bags. I had them at the door in twenty-eight minutes. I turned to look at her one last time. "Goodbye, Murphy." Jack, I..." But, I was gone, struggling my stuff out the door as I went."No he left," she said. "He isn't coming back. We killed his heart, or I did. But, I didn't want to give him false hope and then have him despair of my love or any of it down the road." What was it he wanted exactly? Tell me again? I can't believe he.
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