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Bud only made enough for him and the neighbors."We were walking through what looked like an orchard. "There are two kinds of apple trees and some pear trees. There are enough apples that you can sell quite a few at the market. I'm beginning to have trouble climbing up to harvest them apples and pears. It's not easy work."We had walked around the meadows, looked at two pigs, a steer, and a calf she had, and she topped it off by showing me the chicken house in the back, almost against a rock bluff. She said, "The damn chickens are setting on eggs and chicks out in the grass. Their chicks are all gonna die from the cold or animals getting 'em, but chickens don't listen. If you ever get them chickens back in the yard, keep 'em there if you want the eggs."We walked over to the barn where she showed me her prize Jersey cow. "This girl gives about five gallons a day. I use her milk for butter, buttermilk, and baking. I drink some too, but I have to keep the bottles in the running spring. " I see," she said. "And how would I know if you did? I expect that if you encountered any other sort of disquieting physical phenomenon, such as pain or malfunction; if, perhaps, your bowels weren't performing normally, you'd inform me and seek my advice or assistance. Would you be similarly inclined in the case of sexual anomaly or malfunction?" Uhhhhh, I don't know. Probably. I might. I guess I would. I mean, it's never happened before, so I really can't say what I'd do." I see," she said. "It occurred to me that perhaps I should observe your masturbating to assure myself on the point. And, I must admit, it would be educational for me as well. I've never had the opportunity simply to observe a flaccid penis attain a state of full tumescence and then discharge its complement of semen." Mom, you and Dad were married for thirteen years!" Yes. Well. You see, our physical relationship wasn't such that the opportunity for an observation of this kind ever presented itself. I really.
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