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"You're making me nervous." He growled. "Hold still!" I am holding still. You know you can use more force than that. I'm not made of glass." You certainly aren't. I'm sorry, I've never washed a girl before." I can tell. I think that breast is clean enough, if you want to move on to the other one." Right. Sorry. I feel like I'm washing a statue by Rembrandt."It was such a nice thing to say that I hated to correct him."Rembrandt was a painter. But thanks, anyway."He finished soaping me down and stood straight again. He backed off a step to survey his work and said, "I mean it. You are the most beautiful girl I've ever met."I really didn't know how to respond to that, so I covered by rinsing off while I thought about it. I started to say something flippant, to make a joke, but I didn't because I didn't want to cheapen his compliment. He seemed perfectly sincere, too. He was staring at me almost as intently as Mr. Locke had. That was something to which I knew how to react. I stepped out. I felt like some sort of fluffy house cat when I would rather have felt like a tiger; a fierce, uncontrolled and completely unruly tiger!The more I thought about it, the more I knew that fear was my mistress. It caged me and left me wondering how I could ever just leave when half the time even just going into a supermarket was enough to send me reeling in panic. The sweat would bead and pour from my forehead, and my hands would shake and feel damp and clammy. My heart would start pounding loudly in my chest, like I had just consumed a bucketful of MSG. Sometimes it was so loud I wondered if people could hear it and actually knew just how truly terrified I was.As usual I was in a relationship. Well, I say one; what I actually mean is two. Two relationships with two different people, though, I wasn't sure how that happened. How could someone as fucking shy as me end up in a constant, pouring, never-ending stream of relationships?My friends thought I was crazy when I complained. They.
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