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Met Ryan tonight on my way in. He seemed nice. I am looking forward to picturing him tonight. Oh my G_d, I can't believe I am actually planning what I will fantasize when I listen to them. I am so pathetic. But it will be nice to be able to picture him now. I have tried to picture him with a look on his face like he is totally enjoying her and looking at me like I can only dream about a guy like him, but it will be easier now.G_d, it suddenly occurred to me how embarrassing it would be if anyone ever read all this. I think I would die. Thank G_d I live alone. Wednesday, February 16, 2000Margaret was about why I hate birthdays. I wish I could talk about listening to Trish and Ryan. But I just can't. How could I tell her that I spent all night Saturday waiting for them? Or that now, not only do I use Kendal every day after work to relax, but every night while I listen to the neighbours have sex. Or about what I fantasize about. Well, she told me to start this journal. Of course, when you ask them, they may have their own ideas. They may take you outside for a while and then bring you back in here as meat."She cried then because of the pain in her arms, and while I did feel sorry for her, I couldn't relax. I had to find meat. Her breasts were half the weight and size they'd originally been, and their shape was changing. They sagged, whereas before they hadn't, and it seemed to me that Christine was shriveling up from inside, both physically and mentally."I can escape," she insisted later that day, or was it the next? Because one day elides with another when there's no light or darkness, no sun by which to count out the hours.She sucked in her breath because I was rolling her teats between my fingers, squeezing them hard. "Don't think that I can't!" she yelped. "I don't have to endure this torture!" Oh yes? How? How will you escape?" There are ways out. There have to be. The soldiers carry corpses in here so there must be an entrance." There is a.
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