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I have papers,” he said dropping the little booklet of Zig-Zag’s on the table. I smiled and shook my head. Once I’d cleaned the stems out of enough of it to roll, I said, “I don’t know. This might take a few practice runs.” It did. I sacrificed two of Darrel’s papers before I managed to create something that wasn’t pretty, but we could smoke it. “I’m out of practice,” I laughed.Darrel handed it to Carla and flicked the lighter to life. She took a hit and passed it back to him. He toked and passed to me. About then, Carla let out a, ‘whoosh’ along with her hit. “Jee-zusss!” she exclaimed. Her eyes were huge as she looked around at us.I took a decent hit and tapped her shoulder. She shook her head and pointed toward Darrel. I was beginning to feel what Carla was feeling as I passed the joint back to Darrel. I exhaled and rode the roller coaster down the hill, but I was still riding. Darrel got his hit and Carla passed again so I had another hit.When they both refused I set the small. But could I simply continue to enjoy this young woman, body and soul, and never confess to her that she was now the life partner of a man whose days might, indeed, be numbered?Would we marry? Would we have children? If we did, how would I provide for them? I had no usable college degrees to help me attain a good job. I had pension income, and a house. There were other modest assets, but I wasn't rich, and I wasn't in possession of some special skill that would enable me easily to go out and earn a living and raise a family.And I wondered -- continuously -- whether I would be leaving Ellie behind, some not-too-distant day from now, with children who had not yet reached adulthood? Children whose principal memory of their father was that he had suddenly dropped dead one day at the tender age of 35, or 40?More and more, the conviction grew that I could not marry Ellie unless and until she knew the whole truth about who I was. About who I was -- really.It would be a story that she'd be.
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