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"Wow, now you have to fess up Zac, what the hell happened?!?!?!?" Brent asked. "Oh my god, you guys suck so bad" Come on buddy, Chris caught you, now you gotta let us know what happened" Randy said as he moved next to me and rubbed my shoulders to try and get me to relax and take my face out from behind my hands. "What happened? Nothing too graphic just the basics." Fine I'll tell you but give me a minute" I was so embarrassed."Ok you have until the end of this game." Randy accepted my request and they started playing again. I laid back on my bed trying to get over the embarrassment. Randy was sitting on the bed right next to me and Chris and Brent continued their game. I probably had five minutes.Randy was my best friend and always stuck up for me and knew me better than anyone. He had medium length dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He was about my height and weight with the same build but slightly thinner and had facial hair in a strip that went along his jaw from ear to ear and had. Tell me what you are thinking and feeling as you ponder this." Everything is at war. I want her; I hate myself for wanting her. I think about her. I hate myself for thinking about her. I hide from her. I hate myself for hiding from her. Do you see a pattern?" Ray joked sarcastically."It sounds like you still have these strong unresolved feelings for your wife. And are guilty over them." She cheated on me." You suspected that she was." Thinking and knowing are two different things. You may think there is a hell. I know there is one. That makes our feelings and motivations completely different. I didn't want to know. Then it was so blatant that I couldn't lie to myself anymore. Each of my senses knew there was someone else. I couldn't deny it without denying everything else. I may as well have denied my own existence, denied that water is wet, ice is cold. It was that empirical. And then a marriage that was crumbling but being repaired, fell apart completely. Imploded like an old.
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