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I worked late every night, and had only limited interaction with Amy.The problem was my sleep time. As well as I avoided worrying about my problems during working hours, they seemed to take over my mind during sleep. I had weird, half-remembered dreams. I relived both rape sequences in my mind over and over again. Most disturbing, the scenes evolved, until I was not only enjoying the sex, I was initiating it. Though only shadow memories in the morning, this seemed to reinforce my contempt for myself, my conviction that I was poison to Amy.By Friday, my thoughts were so negative I could not bear to face Rick, so I just remained buried in work. I did take a break to run down to Dr. Myers office to get blood drawn though.By Saturday night, I had a good high level plan for what I would do for this phase of the contract, but was stalled waiting for a response to the issues I had sent. All I could do was wait. But I needed the break by now. I had been pretty worn out when this work. While doing so, I decided to taste my own cum and wiped some from my balls and stuck it in my mouth. It was a strange taste but it turned me on more! I finished cleaning up and went on about my usually daily stuff but I stashed the magazine under my mattress for later use.I did this after school for several days, getting more creative every time and I was hoping against hope that I would one day have a man fuck me and cum inside my ass. My fantasy lover had a huge cock and he would make me suck his cock, fuck him and do all sorts of nasty things with me. It WAS my fantasy and I knew that it would probably never happen to me!One afternoon, I was laying in the bed, doing my thing to my ass and cock and having my usual thoughts about being fucked. Just before I came, I tensed up, closed my eyes and then suddenly, heard my dad ask me what the hell I was doing!! I jumped up so fast that I hit my skull on the head board and there stood dad! I hadn't heard him come home early and I was.
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