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The SPCA would make Bob go to dog therapy and he'd probably wind up doing Stupid Pet Tricks on Letterman, or even worse, a guest spot on the Tonight Show!" ... My next guest is the dog who fucked Miss Blind America and eventually put her in the space program ... The world's first Fucking-Eye Dog ... Give a big hand for Bob, ladies and gentleman!"Okay, okay ... I hear you. "I get it. You had to abstain for a week," you're saying. "So what? I've been married to the same man for 13 years! Don't talk to me about frustration!"My Aunt Bethany said that once. We weren't talking about Bob, of course, my oldest sister had been complaining because she lost her birth control pills and couldn't get a refill note for a week. She'd wanted to borrow some from me. I was like, no way! I'd only been 15 then, but hey! The Chili Peppers were coming to town, you know? I was gonna need those pills!A lot of people think the Miss Blind America all happens in one evening. It doesn't. It happens over many. I had been invited to join them, but I had to do a late shift and then had some gardening I just wanted to get done.I told them to not worry about me and have a great time.They said they were worried about me and to make sure I locked up, but I pointed out that the letters had been addressed to them not me. As they drove off, I got ready for work and hoped that they would have a relaxing weekend. Work was busy and I didn?t have time to even think about the letters or my friends. Driving home, I thought about having a long, hot bath and rolling into bed.Pressing the button for the garage door, I had just driven the car in when something caught my eye behind the car. It had looked like a person, but when I looked again no one was there.Thinking my tiredness was just playing tricks on me, I pressed the button to close the garage door.Shutting the car door, I had no time to avoid the hand that wrapped itself around my neck and blocked off my air.?Don?t scream or you?ll be sorry!? I could.
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