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Maybe this blessing, this longing for life, will become my final curse as living will now be reduced to nothing more than inflicting or receiving pain at the hands of others living in this same realm of Hell.If so, what in the world did I do, in the real world, to warrant such drastic punishment? How could a loving God condemn me to such a demented existence? How could he possibly permit any of his creation to undergo pain and torture to this degree, in this unending and eternal fashion?Why has God forsaken me?There are more questions than answers running through my head, and each one is more morbid than the last. I’d heard countless sermons preached, in my lifetime, on the dangers of Hell. Each with the same theme; how God didn’t desire to send anyone to the Lake of Fire, but His hand would be forced to if we didn’t repent and believe.I thought it all bullshit, until today.Fuck, why didn’t I pay more attention in church? I could have taken the Bible more seriously, but honestly all. In fact, I found her pretty darned intelligent, but under-educated. She watched TV a lot, and actually kept up with current events and loved the science and nature channels. And we talked."Just uninteresting engineer stuff, Cin," I said. "It's not always magic. Sometimes it's a lot of tedious paperwork." Oh," she said. "You hate that, don't you?"Before I responded, I noticed how she was looking at me, and it had a different look than before. Her green eyes, framed by the longest lashes I have ever seen, had a glimmer that I hadn't noticed before. "Yeah," I said. "But sometimes you have to put up with the bad to get the good." I turned to look at her. The water had turned her auburn hair dark. "What'd you do? Anything interesting?" Watched TV this morning until Mom woke up. Me an' her's been arguin', so I got out of there pretty quick when she woke up." And then?" Walked over to the back fence an' watched 'em harvesting that soybean field. It's interesting, ya know, all that big.
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