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No, go ahead."He folds his paper up and leans over to put it on floor. I plunge the roominto darkness, then tread carefully forward. My knee finds the edge of thebed before my fingers do.I sit. The mattress doesn't give like it should. That's because of thethirteen-stone lump of human flesh I'll soon be lying next to. I can feelits warmth, smell its cologne, hear its breathing.It's a person. It's Jeremy.It's the man who's probably just as apprehensive about the journey on whichwe're shortly to embark as I am.Because neither of us knows what our eventual destination will be.Might as well hit the road...I pull back the sheet. God, there's so little room!I can't avoid my body coming into contact with his so I don't try. But Iturn on my side, facing away from him. If I don't know when it's comingthere's less chance I'll react badly and ruin everything.For a long time we just lie there. I feel I ought to do something, if onlyto stop him falling asleep. How frustrating will that be, after. I befriended my male co-star during the film, Hugh Dancy. He's a gentleman in public, a freak in private — the perfect man. Kristyn Ritter played my best buddy, and we became even closer off camera than we were on. In addition, I wanted a third cast-mate, but I was too apprehensive to approach her.You want to know my secret shame? I've never conquered anyone. Every lover I've had has come on to me and scored in the initial encounter. The times after that don't count. I welcome the attention, obviously, but I still hope to initiate things one day with somebody. If only to confirm to myself I have the courage. I get apprehensive, though. Some of my relationships have turned bad on me. I don't want to add to their number. Fear held me back with Rachel, as it had with others before. Here it did so again.Leslie Bibb intimidated me from the moment I saw her. Ever meet a person you're so attracted to it hurts? You want to kill them or throw yourself at them, you can't decide which. Sasha was.
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