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Maybe when I settle down one day…but there’s one thing wrong with that. I don’t want to settle down. That’s not what love is anyway, you can’t have love that’s settled down. It has to be bruising, exciting, painful, wonderful and…everything that I need right now. I’m alone, more alone than I’ve ever been in my life. They say love is like a drug, like the best feeling in the world times four. I think it must be more like you’re just about to commit suicide, and you jump off the cliff, ready to die…then you grow wings. That must be it. It has to save you from everything you’ve ever been afraid of and everything that could ever hurt you. I’m scared to death of something that powerful taking over my life, but I want it more than I can express. I want the poetry of it, more than anything else. It’s romantic and soul-devouring stuff. Or at least, it must be…it has to be. It’s all I believe in anymore. Aside from the life-changing and heart-crushing power of it, though, I want the. " Eeep!" I gasped."See? That's one of the things that gave me hope. You don't flaunt it. I've even held out hope that you're still a virgin. Are you, honey?" She sounded so hopeful that it distracted me from the fact that my mother just asked me if I'd ever had sex."Well ... sort of," I said, trying to keep her hope alive."You can't be sort of a virgin," she said, "just like you can't be sort of pregnant." What I mean is that I fooled around with a lot of boys, but I never let any of them actually put it in me. Not there, anyway." I closed my eyes. I'd just blurted out something I had never intended to tell anybody ... not even my husband if he wanted to do it too!"I tried that a couple of times," said my mother casually. "Didn't much care for it. I prefer a man stick it where nature intended it to be stuck." Mom!" I moaned."Well you asked!" she snapped. "And that's just the tip of the iceberg, so get over being shocked. There's a lot more to come. Your grandmother is a member of the.
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