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It turns my stomach, but I can’t stop replaying the images through my head. Lily seems to sense my lack of attention and changes the subject. “She’s been in today to choose a pattern for the dress she wants me to make for her, would you like to have a sneak preview? Would you like to see what you’re missing out on?” I enquire if she had informed Dina of my visit, Lily shakes her head and tells me absolutely not. I wearily agree, I shouldn’t really, but my curiosity gets the better of me. For some masochistic reason I want to see the dress that is being made to turn another man on. Lily has been gone for a few minutes now, she went off into yet another room, honestly this place is like some kind of maze. After five minutes I call her name, she replies from a distance telling me she’ll only be a minute and to top up the wine again. I hear the click of heels getting closer and closer, until Lily is back in the room. I was expecting her to be showing me some kind of pattern sample,. When my mother was running the streets doing whatever she pleased. I would see her maybe once a month if that. Sometimes when my mother came around and I was in my room she did not even say anything to me, I didn’t exist to her. I remember one day she come over to see me and took my lunch money for school. That was a messed up situation, it made me not trust anyone and I became a little stronger and more independent from then on.So it’s almost like I am just coming out of her womb and I’m 16 now.Baltimore Maryland August 2007I know that I’m not supposed to be doing what I do, but my life is no fairy tale. I love money it’s that simple. The only thing I learned to love was money ever since my mother kept taking it away from me I wanted it more and more like a power drug or something. The only other thing I really loved even more than money is motorcycles and …well i am young and of course good sex. I think it was Thursday, and the sun was going down. See all of the girls my age were.
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