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"Oh, these are very nice," gushed the saleswoman. "I hope youfound everything you were looking for. I'm pretty sure we have anice necklace that would match the earrings you're wearing if youare interested." No thank you," Bob responded. "These are not mine, I borrowedthem from a co-worker." Well that was sure nice of your girlfriend at work, or boyfriend,to loan you such a pretty pair of earrings," she teased.Bob blushed and paid for his earrings and left the store as quicklyas he could. The saleswoman who helped him and three other womenfollowed him to the door and urged him to come back again."Not bloody likely," Bob thought to himself.Back in his car, he exchanged the chandelier earrings for a pair ofsmall gold hoops. He returned to the office and walked in, theclick-clack of his heels on the marble floor attracting everyone'sattention. Amy rushed over and had Bob do a slow pirouette."Bobbi dear, those pumps are just darling!" she squealed. "Wheredid you get them?" I bought. You'll never know. When I'm done writing this, I'll delete it.But, tonight, with you in Portland on that medical convention, I've given myself permission to write this. And masturbate over it.And then erase it, so it never existed.My uncle was a mortician. You know that. But I never mentioned I spent a summer working for him. I'd just graduated high school, back when I had the braces and glasses. I looked awful and knew it.No guy in school would even look at me. I mean, Tommy Morrison tried to have sex with me that once, but Tommy tried to have sex with everyone.Anyway, I was doing odd jobs around Uncle Mike's funeral home.And that's when I did it.I had sex with a dead man.God, I get excited just writing this. Yes, I know. It's sick. It's horrible. It's abuse of a corpse and a hundred other legal and moral violations.I wouldn't have done it, but he had an erection.I had snuck down into the embalming room, and went in and looked at the latest arrival. It was a nineteen year old boy.
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