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Well, I wasn't exactly comfortable, as yet, but I had regained the ability to keep my eyes in focus so I could prop myself up and thereby avoid the final ignominy of just lying there watching daytime bloody television.Thus, I was occupied in rereading Tristram Shandy – May's idea of a good 'hospital book', apparently – when a nurse bustled into the cube. This was in itself unusual – as I was neither in imminent danger nor suffering from advanced dementia I was pretty much ignored, most of the time – but rather more surprising was the burden said nurse was, well, burdened with. Flowers.Quite a lot of flowers. So many, in fact, that I immediately presumed that she'd just brought them to the wrong place. But, no, she addressed me by name, fussed around for a while finding a vase, water – I thought nurses didn't do that sort of stuff anymore? – and finally got them arranged to her satisfaction. After which, she smiled – angelically, you'd have to say – handed me the card that had come. She took her breasts in both hands and shook them up and down just as the captain had instructed. “Recent studies have shown that in an emergency many people will struggle to find an exit. To combat this, this airline has introduced a follow the bouncing ball procedure. If we make an emergency landing, please follow my bouncing breasts, which will lead you to an exit.”Cindy could see what a clever policy this was. Normally no-one paid attention, but now every eye on the plane was on her bouncing breasts. “Thank goodness they are so big,” she thought. Even people up in coach were watching her. Cindy suddenly realised the stewardess in coach was giving the old set of instructions. She thought about warning her, but realised there was no time. “If at any stage we experience sudden depressur…depress,” Cindy struggled with this word. “If you feel a lack of air during the flight a mask will drop down from above. Place the mask tightly around your face and breathe normally. If you feel an.
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