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" It's only just starting to sink in." Phil started to sob. "She was talking about going away to university. She was so excited."I put an arm around him, his distress distracting me from my own."I'll help in any way I can," I told him. "I can try to get back at weekends." Thanks," he sniffed. "You're a good lad."The next few days passed in a blur. David looked like a zombie when I next saw him. Phil told me that he was taking prescribed medication to help counteract the shock and the intense guilt he felt at being in the wrong place at the wrong time. He refused to discuss things, instead bottled his feelings up inside.Alice was sitting up in bed when I next visited, staring off into space."How are you doing?" I asked. She nodded absently."Can I get you anything?" My leg," she sniffed sadly.I squeezed her hand unable to think what best to say. "I'm so sorry." It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. It's just one of those things." You're alive. You're still beautiful." Who's going to. But this was just a band-aid for my affliction. After many jerk off session, I felt that I need more. I needed her flesh. I needed to feel her breasts in my hands. To kiss her soft wet lips. To caress the inside of her hot supple thighs. Fantasy and panties just wasn't doing it anymore. I wanted her body to be mine. I wanted to make hot, passionate endless love to my mother. But since I couldn't have her, I would have to settle for the next best thing.I went out to some bars in search of women; older women. I wanted to find a woman who looked as much as my mom as possible. I went to those bars where the 'cougars' were out for the hunt. But the problem with those women is they're looking for hunks and studs. Not that I'm ugly, but I'm no Chippendale dancer. Then that gave me an idea. I went to a strip club that had both male and female dancers. Around closing time, I went over to the male dancers area. Most of the women were filing out and lost of them were drunk. It's like shooting.
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