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By the end of the night, I felt like a whore that got cheated out of not only my dignity, but the appreciation of my best fuck ever. That episode cooled my jets for a while. I went on a few dates here and there, but nothing that went beyond a dinner or a show with a couple of nice men I couldn’t see wasting my time with or theirs. Even if I had the opportunity to get intimate with a man, I hadn’t come across one that could have convinced me more than the way Rick did, and I hated him for it. So here he was at the door with an awkward silence separated me, him and four boxes of pumpkin pies. “Gosh, Dad, are you just gonna stand there and let Brandon’s mom hold onto those pies or do I have to remind you to be a gentleman?” Kellie said as she came bounding to the door to see me. “Yes, Kellie, you do,” I thought to myself as I tried to plaster a smile on my face the best way I knew how. Rick took the boxes off my hands and Kellie and Brandon took me around to introduce me to the rest of. I could have a "sex change" and be Julian again and stop being Julie orJoolz or Julianne.It was funny when I got to university though.Yes I took off my nail extensions but obviously painted my nails black likeany other Goth would.I wanted to dress just like a normal boy and got out my Marilyn Manson teeshirt, my boxer shorts and a pair of socks to put on.However, despite my best intentions, I again found myself putting back onmy bra, my petticoat, my panties and my fishnet pantyhose before coveringit up with my new tee shirt and trousers.I wanted to stop there. It looked a bit masculine despite the visiblepanty line and bra straps. Maybe I should have bought looser jeans?I wanted put on my trainers but I found myself self putting my hosieryencased feet back in my knee length leather boots with a stiletto heel. Itdidn't feel right to put such beautiful hosiery in trainers.Could I stop there? No. I was still a Goth even if I was trying to forcemyself to undergo a sex change so I.
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