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It's difficult to describe the feelings I had during the time I had sexual access to Mara. To say that I was 'excited' is correct, but it fails to capture the intensity of that. To say it was 'exhilarating' comes closer to the way it felt, and yet, that still seems to fall short of conveying my emotions.But I admit that a large part of what was so exciting and exhilarating about the whole experience was having Mara's husband, Tomas, witnessing it; and though I did feel a certain degree of (initial) discomfort with him there watching, at the same time I found it incredibly thrilling that he didn't seem to mind that I WAS fucking his wife!In fact, on the occasions Tomas was there in the room with Mara and I (and with some of my friends as well), it was so intriguing to me (and I think I speak for the others as well) to realize that he was, himself, equally excited that we were fucking her! On quite a few occasions, I remember as I was urgently fucking Mara, that I'd become aware that. I am not terribly masculine or not really been into sports orphysical activities.At primary school I related with the girls far more than the boys andhad many girl friends. When I left primary school went to an all boys'school. I didn't fit in terribly well, but made a few friends and wasrelatively settled.I was very young when I started dressing, probably only five or six andused to wear my cousins knickers and skirts any chance I got. I didn'tunderstand it but even then got mental satisfaction. This has carriedon intermittently ever since. I used to kid myself that I was just across dresser but deep down I knew that it was much more. Through myteens I envied young girls and wished I could be more like them.The feelings gradually increased but I managed to push them away when Imet the girl who was to become my wife in. I was eighteen and shesixteen. We had a fairly active sex life, nothing adventurous butenjoyable just the same. We married in 1963 when I was twenty one. Inever told.
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