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And now I had to watch him continue to deepen and strengthen the emotional foundations he’d so carefully made. The physical act of love between them was one weapon in the war he was waging to replace me. Each time they made love, I felt my heart breaking afresh as I saw the kisses and closeness. The act of the woman I loved taking another man deep into her body. Each time I howled like a baby, because this was nothing like the games we’d played before. I knew that there were only two people present in this act, that in her anger I was a million miles away from Sue’s thoughts and heart. This wasn’t a game we were playing together. This was her with her new man, her heart filled with an anger which might never ebb. Or if it did finally ebb, it might be too late, the tide might have already carried her out of my reach forever.Watching their two bodies move together was no longer arousing in even the tiniest way. But still, I was drawn to watch, some troubling masochistic flaw drawing me. In high school, growing up in East Dallas, he played football with a passion, but not a tight end. He was a bruising defensive end. But, rather than pursue college opportunities that certainly were available to him with football, he enlisted. Where he grew up, there was more than enough patriotism and macho energy in his area to satisfy maybe the entire Dallas-Fort Worth Metro-plex. All of that energy stuffed into those maturing bodies and minds. Not to mention that they all felt invincible, a rare and intoxicating d**g.He was in the Army for 6 years; 3 of them served in tours of both Iraq and Afghanistan. He survived, but he quickly discovered that invincibility was a myth of the young at home; there was no place for ego thinking like that on the battlefields. He saw too many men just like him fall, either in death or serious injury. So, when the Special Forces branches came recruiting him, he quickly and without guilt, declined. He loved his country, that wasn’t the problem. But, he.
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