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.It was the first day of Phil's vacation from work. Heclimbed out of his twin bed in his stripped PJ's and gottendressed in a blue T-shirt, shorts and sneakers. He went outto his new red Honda and drove to the open all night drugstore to buy the new type of razor he heard about than runwhile you're standing in the shower."Where did you go?" Donna asked when Phil drove back intothe drive way, undid his seat belt and got out of the car.Since Phil had traded in his old car he had missed theautomatic seatbelts of the old one."I got a razor for my legs," Phil replied as he glared athis mother in the eyes. "Later I'm going to buy a dress formy Uncle's wedding next month. As I told you a milliontimes, I'll wear a dress for special occasions like thewedding but I'll slice my throat open and kill myselfbefore I'll ever wear another suit again." As long as you live under this roof, you're following myrules." Donna said in anger. She knew he hadn't savedenough from work to maintain his own. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.This item is compliments of an Anonymous donor:A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.Three women, an American, a Kiwi and a Australian Woman, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.The American woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.The Kiwi woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?”The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.The Australian woman came to him and said, “Have you ever been fucked?”The.
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