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Jason kept thinking about what Sylvia’s mother had said during their time at the pool and wasn’t really concentrating, which meant Brenda won all the games they played. ‘What’s up, Jason?’ she asked while they were putting the food out on the table. ‘I can’t believe you lost every game we played. What’s going on, you trying to get on my good side or something?’ ‘No, that’s not it,’ Jason replied. ‘I was just thinking about things.’ They sat down and ate and, much to the surprise of Jason and Karen, the meal Brenda had cooked was quite good. Both of them said so, which caused Brenda to blush again. ‘Well, since you guys are so grateful,’ she said, ‘you can do the dishes. I’ve got to be at the stable early tomorrow, so I’m going to bed early.’ She turned and headed upstairs. ‘Jason, I’m sorry if what I said this afternoon upset you,’ Karen said as they cleaned up the dishes. ‘But I really do think it’s important that those topics be out in the open. My darling, you really do need to. Why indeed? I put my hand under the covers and started rolling some of her hair around my finger."An easy answer would be, because I like you. I do like you a lot, but I think that is not the reason. I think that the real reason is that I do this because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that some day when Katy leaves home, there will be no more reason for me to continue living."Even in the darkness I could see that she was shocked."Don't worry Lin, I know that the truth is that I would never do it to her. Besides, the three of you have helped me to fill the empty space inside me, and you have made me feel at least a bit useful."Now there were tears in her eyes and once again I used my finger to wipe them away."Noel, I believe that you loved her very much but I'm sure she wouldn't have liked you to mourn her this way for the rest of your life."The words came out without some conscious thinking."No, the love was not destructive. It was the anger that I felt after her death, and that I still.
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