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We had fun. I'm only slightly less horny than when you left."Stacy, John, and I talked in code about the party and where the group seemed to be heading. John didn't want to stop either, and he also was surprised at the mounting feelings of love he felt not only for Stacy, but also for each of the other five women.John had talked to Steve that morning, and told us that Steve was feeling the same way. He said that Steve was conflicted because he thought he should only be focusing and having romantic feelings for one woman, but he loved all of them."John, are you feeling conflicted that way?"He shrugged, "Kind of. I was raised in a monogamous family. My sister is married and locked in with one man." He looked at Stacy and said, "I got intense romantic feelings for Stacy, and now I'm feeling the same thing about Lisa, Kate, Tina, and Brenda. My upbringing is telling me I have to pick only one, and probably Lisa or Brenda because they're not married, but I can't. I love each of them."I. The analogy definitelyreeked of symbolism and irony. My parents would tell Sammy and my lifeas a boy would end. But unlike a prisoner, I'd get a new life, andwasn't that a good thing? Of course it was! It had to be, unless Iwas making the biggest mistake of my life.I thought some more about the prisoner on death row. He doesn't havethe luxury of putting an end to his own execution. He can't go to thewarden and say he's changed his mind, but I can. I can get out of thischair, march into the kitchen, and tell my parents that I don't want togo through with this.The thought of calling it off made me feel both relieved and sad.Relief at the thought of saving myself from the humiliation that wassure to follow. Sadness at thinking of missing out on the joys andpleasures of living my life as a sophisticated middle-aged woman namedNancy Peterman.But oh, how I wanted that so very badly! I wanted to look in the mirrorand see a well-dressed, attractive middle-aged woman staring back atme..
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