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I am getting tired. So tired in fact I've contemplating ending it all here. But no...no I can't do it here. There are too many people it would hurt so I have to stay until it's my time to go. I only want to kill myself, not end other peoples lives. Diary maybe you can't give me the answers but I wish someone could. I have never had a time in my life where I haven't had a good memory...But that's all it ever is; a memory. Nothing solid or right in front of me. I can remember times I had laughed and what not. Tried to be a good and faithful best friend. Tried to find a way to make things better. Maybe I just try too hard I mean, lord knows I try. But all I have are my memories. No one stays with me long, in fact, I've never been able to keep a friend for more then four years. I know that seems like a short time considering I'm not very old but I already feel the weight of this self loathing. I don't want it any more. Sorry Diary I have to cut it short. Someone’s knocking on my door. I. It would probably only park about ten cars, but there were none there today. On one side of the lot was a wooden outhouse with a door marked ‘men’ and one door marked ’women’. Missus ‘J’ said, “let’s park as far away from there as possible…….sometimes it stinks!” At the far end of the lot was a tiny grassy spot with one green painted picnic table. Missus ‘J’ pulled the car up near some bushes. Not so close that Robert could not open the door but closer than he expected considering the lot was completely deserted. The hood of the car was pointed at the picnic table about twenty feet away. The whole area was shaded by the canopy of huge oak and maple trees. It was very quiet once the car was turned off. Just the sounds of birds and a few grasshoppers could be heard, and maybe the rustle of a squirrel or chipmunk scurrying about. “Let’s go” said miss ‘J’ as she grabbed the bag of burgers and headed for the table. Robert followed with the bag of sodas. They placed the two bags on.
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