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You can only get so excited while listening to a middle aged man talk about the formation of ox bow lakes, in detail, for a fifth time in your life. Unfortunately that also means that my attention is distracted by Nate. He's not doing anything specific, just shuffling around in his seat, his leg brushing against mine every so often, running hands through his hair, chewing on his pencil, fiddling with him fingernails. And I'm not watching him, not directly, but part of him is always moving in my field of vision, and well, it's Nate. I'm aroused by his very existence, not to mention him sitting next to me, sharing oxygen, text book, space. I breathe really slowly, thankful that there is a desk between my erection and him and when the bell goes for lunch I take longer than normal packing my things away. It's not like he waits for me anyway, Nate Adams is in a whole different league to me. We have a purely geography based relationship.By the time I have to get up I'm only nursing a semi. ’ ‘Kaleb, I would like to, I really would, but I am still scared that as soon as you see me you will run like a frightened jackrabbit, and I will be left high and dry. Please, can we just stay here in the dark until I know that these feelings are not right?’ I stay just as I am, snuggled up against him. ‘Maria, I have to admit something to you. You may be angry with me, but last night, while you were asleep, I turned on the light and saw you. Yes, your scars are bad, but I still want to make love to you.’ I close my eyes in defeat as the truth sets in. He wants to make love to me out of pity. Before I can move or do anything he starts to speak again. ‘Before you think the wrong thing, my Dear, I do not, ever, make love to a woman out of pity or anything other than the fact that I love her. I have only ever made love to one other woman. She was my wife. She was killed in Afghanistan. I loved her more than my own life, but she is gone and I have to move on. I have not been with another.
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