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I don't know if there is any special meaning to the day of his death, but he died on my 38th birthday. The people closest to me all seem to die on my birthday or a few days after it.This was going to be the first, and only, public message from me. Stan and I worked on this together in January. We talked about what he wanted me to say. Some of these words are his. Several days after he died, I was writing to a close personal -- real life -- friend. I put ten words together at the top of my message. Then I cried for a long time. It was cathartic. So I shared those words with a few electronic friends; people I'd been close to since the bulletin boards shut down, and everybody migrated to the World Wide Web. Once I did that, I decided to share my thoughts with the rest of you. I wrote:StanHe diedI wasn't readyI know he wasOnce I laid that grief on you, I felt better. You've been most gracious in your comments, both public and private, but now I'm embarrassed to have taken up so much. I decided that all females were fickle and resolved to trust them no more. Third, a nasty bout of influenza of a particularly virulent kind flattened me for over two weeks. Putting all together it added up to a messed up and fit for nothing Jason mooning around and unable to focus on anything, let alone deciding on a job. At twenty two I suppose I should have been past the need for parental care, but my condition gave rise to considerable concern by mother and father. It was my normally not very imaginative father who came up with a bright idea. One morning while we ate breakfast he suddenly exclaimed, ‘Hannah. ‘ ‘Hannah, dear?’ queried my mother. ‘Yes, he needs to get away for a while. ‘ ‘Who dear?’ ‘Jason of course. ‘ They began to talk as if I wasn’t there, the upshot being that mother would telephone Hannah to see if she could ‘take me for a week or so. ‘ At that point they did deign to notice me and mother asked, in the tone of voice that suggested she was addressing a.
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