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"My dress?" Yes," Cornelius said with a devious smile. "Your poems aren't verypopular on Palatine, Ovidius, so you aren't going to be invited. Theinvitation will be for me . . . and my wife. You, dear friend, will beour lady Julia's proof."* * * * *To make the plan of Cornelius work, I secured another bottle of the figwine from the same seller where I had purchased it before. Themerchant was a clean-faced young man with rosy cheeks and a supplesmile, who sold his wares from a donkey cart in a forum on the eastside of Rome. The side of the cart was painted with images of fruit:grapes, figs, apricots."Did you enjoy your bottle, my friend?" he said jovially."It was . . . most unexpectedly good," I conceded. "I am still feelingfaint from its effects."His laugh was friendly and easy. "Yours was the fig, yes? I am suremy father will be pleased to hear how you enjoyed it. He is proud ofthe wine we make. We have been making caricarum for centuries up inthe hills, you know.". Now when I see beautiful things I see waste. I see time wasted. I see days upon days melted away into nothing. Pictures that bring back no memory, faces that no longer make my pulse race. When I see beautiful people, I feel sorry for them. Beautiful people have so much further to fall, so much more disappointment to feel, when at last the final glow fades from their cheeks and that sparkle dies in their eyes. When their lovers look upon them with no surprise, no thrill. When every kiss tastes of ashes and every touch burns, when every word falls on their hearts like a knife and in their bellies like a sickness. When I pass the elderly on the street, I see a companion. Fifty years older than me, yes. But I have been there. I know them. When I see the young, I feel lost. What is there in the world that could cause anyone, anywhere, to laugh like that? What is there in the world which could cause anyone, anywhere, to care so damn much? I see the happiness and the abandon, and I.
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