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. it was certainly no hardship, but, as I say I can be really slow on the uptake and right then I was thoroughly confused. I glanced at Emily, who was wearing an enormous smile and whose eyes were fairly dancing with amusement. She winked, and collected up our mugs and plates, disappearing below to wash up.We couldn't have had a better slant of wind. Apart from a short stretch by 'The Rocks', where we had to gybe before and after, it was easy sailing. Emily frowned pointedly when I was about to move away from Hazel to adjust the set of the sails. After 'The Rocks' she took over the wheel and, dense as I am, I couldn't miss that I was supposed to sit with Hazel.I just could not see that a young woman as attractive as Hazel (despite her disability) might have any romantic interest in a sixty-six year-old retired banker and I ruthlessly suppressed my own growing desire for her.At the top of the Deben, I took over to negotiate the slightly tricky channel and the entrance to the Tide Mill. With the benefit of this cheap hindsight I came to know that our decline was inevitable, and had probably started the night that seedy club manager had tried to use Paul’s talent to gain access to my body. But during the period of decay itself, as things went from bad to worse between us, I was not able to see things quite so clearly. All I knew was that for some inexplicable reason, Paul had turned away from me. I think I would have been able to understand and handle it better had he turned argumentative, or irritable, or even vicious and violent. The coin of strong emotions has two sides, after all, and one expects a great love to breed great antagonisms as a sort of natural fallout. Instead, Paul simply withdrew. He grew morose and uncommunicative, and took to spending long periods away from our apartment. Although it was difficult for me to see him physically disappear in this way, it was even more tormenting to have him present in the house in body only, while the essence of.
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