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Sandi woke me up briefly as she got up to go use the bathroom, and even though I let my eyes close again, I stayed awake and kept my inner eye on her swirls until she came back. Thankfully the rest of the plane trip was uneventful.We arrived at Dallas-Fort Worth Airport after dark and took a shuttle to the hotel we were staying at for the night. Sandi was surprised I had arranged for separate rooms, and after she asked the clerk at the desk how much the rooms were, she made a big fuss and wouldn’t accept her key. I could have forced it on her, but that wasn’t the way to handle it, so I ended up compromising for a room with two beds that cost $50 less than the two rooms together.Just my luck, they had a honeymoon suite, and it was only five floors up and two or three rooms over. Sure, I enjoyed the sex during the dream walk, but it also made me lovesick the next morning. The twelve people sharing their seven o’clock commuter flight to the campus with us had a pretty miserable. And very humid…’ I found I was only half-listening as she began to prattle on about their trip, instead watching how she looked at Drew, the way she scanned his face, appraised the length of his body, the clothes he was wearing, the way his hair was styled. And the rest of us knew what she was doing, even if she didn’t. Making endless comparisons. Speculating about a future that would never be. Formulating a thousand and one hypotheses, all based on a common theme. I wonder how our Paul would’ve turned out… I’d dared to hope it would get better eventually. That time was indeed a great healer—wasn’t that what everyone said? Instead, for some aspects of her grief, the reverse appeared to be true. And with every passing year, this part was definitely getting worse. Drew was growing older, twenty-seven now. He’d had the chance to become a man, to have a career, have a life. My brother had died, aged twenty. ‘Well,’ Dad cut in, at last catching one of my increasingly desperate glances,.
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