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” “Chris talked with a couple girls the other night but didn’t get any numbers,” added Brad. “Gail and Chris are the most compatible couple between the six of us,” Terri claimed. “So we all agree that they’re a couple,” stated Ted. “How do we go about proving it? Besides installing cameras in their bedrooms, I mean.” “Cameras aren’t a bad idea,” mused Becky as she traced her finger along her collar bone. “Yes, cameras are a bad idea. Let’s focus. We can come up with something.” They spent the next couple of hours drinking beer and brainstorming. An intervention? No, that would just be an opportunity for more denial. Drug one of them? Right, like any of them would know how to roofie someone. “How about hookers?” asked Brad. “Maybe a hooker would get him to admit it. People love to confess things to strangers.” The group decided that wouldn’t be reliable. A hooker or gigolo would just tell them what they wanted to hear. “How about if we actually set them up on a date with each other?”. ’ ‘Forget that, then.’ ‘What about those Indian squaws?’ ‘Squaws? You mean, American Indian woman?’ ‘Yeah, that’s what I just said, ain’t you listening to me?’ ‘So what’s your point, Vinnie?’ ‘The Indians are like the Eskimo. They do it bent over in those iggy glos.’ ‘And where do you find an American Indian woman or in your vernacular a squaw who’d be willing to allow me to fuck her anally?’ ‘What ain’t you go no culture, Freddie? I thought you was college educated.’ ‘I am, but forgive my ignorance and enlighten me, my fat Sicilian friend.’ ‘Everyone knows that the casino is run by Indians. Right? We drive down to the Mohegun Sun in Connecticut, get us a room, pickup a couple of those Indian cocktail waitresses, bring them up to the room, and ba da bing ba da bang, we fuck them up the ass.’ He smiled at me. ‘In no time, you fulfilled your anal sex New Year’s Eve resolution.’ ‘There’s only one problem with that, Vinnie.’ ‘And what’s that?’ ‘Those cocktail waitresses aren’t real.
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