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A few puffs wouldn't matter, I thought, and it certainly made me feel better, so much so that I very nearly took Felicity up on her earlier suggestion. The next day, in the grip of an old demon - sexual frustration and the freshened memories of the sensation enhancing effects of soft drugs, I called an old connection. Teasing myself, telling myself that anticipation would make the breaking of my fast all the better, and that by doing what I was doing I was very necessarily demonstrating my independence, I took the tube to Tottenham Court Road and walked into the heart of sleazy old Soho. In a sex shop, scarlet with embarrassment and not a little excitement, I bought a couple of the best vibrators they had, and the two biggest dildos in the shop.On my way home, I visited my old dealer and bought some hash, three grams of cocaine, and as if it was a sign that my intentions were entirely sexual, I was offered a Half pint bottle of pure amyl nitrate. With trembling hands and dampening. "Jack, that was great. Thank you," she told me.I laughed and said, "Thank you, too."She gave me a quick peck on the cheek, got into her car and said, "See you."I didn't see or hear from Nancy for a couple of weeks since she had been to my house. Surprisingly, she sent a postcard from Cape Cod. There was a message written on it that was just cryptic enough for anyone who might glance at the postcard:Hi Jack -On August 27th at 6:00, you will be in the clearing.Be on the picnic table. You know what to do.I will see you then.Kisses,NancyI knew what she meant, and this was certainly different. I was already concerned over how the people next door were acting towards me - having gotten the big chill when I tried to initiate some conversations while doing yard work. It made me wonder whether other neighbors had seen me fucking Nancy in the window and if there was gossip going around. So I had my doubts about whether I could go through with it. At the same time, I found myself constantly.
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