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The thought of my "old self" is one of them. I feel like I am going to be sick. I roll onto my side hugging myself. I can't help it. Sometimes the thoughts come. A girl who used to be my best friend put this particular thought in my brain. I don't remember her name even though we both came here together. Oh!!! Another tummy cramp. "I'm sorry daddy."I'll tell the truth. The truth is that I can remember her name if I let myself. I just try to block it out of my mind. I try not to think of her name because if I do I get the cramps again. It's just that it is so darn impossible sometimes. I haven't seen her since they took her away one night from the room next door. She was struggling and shouting and trying to fight the attendants. Some of the girls didn't bother to get up, but I recognized her voice and was curious what was happening. I walked lazily to the doorway. It was very hard to watch. She wouldn't obey them. They finally had to use some kind of device with a small. "I thanked the Augustines for dinner and the ride home and then I said goodbye to Paula, without agreeing to call her.Suzanne's car was parked in front of the house, which was not unusual although she often waited until Saturday morning to come to the house. I was not surprised when I saw her playing chess with Mr. Oldham. I didn't want to disturb the game so I went upstairs to change my clothes and read my mail. There was only one letter from Colleen. I read it a couple of times and spent about ten minutes answering Colleen's questions. Did I think of her often? Did I miss her? Would I devote all my time to her at Thanksgiving? Yes, Yes, Yes.I didn't learn why Ned hadn't picked me up from school until the next morning at breakfast. He and Penelope had gone away for the weekend. Suzanne assured me that if Mr. Oldham didn't want to drive me back to school on Sunday afternoon that she would be glad to take me. I didn't tell her how glad I was that I wouldn't have to ride back to school.
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