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And it's hard because that's my sexuality. But my personality, me, who I am, falls in love with girls constantly, and it makes me a lot more nervous thinking about where a simple friendship might lead to in my daily life. Should things escalate to where me and a girl friend of mine were in a bedroom setting I would be sexually impedent, as a man that's really embarassing. And as a person, to not be able to make love... it's a depressing thought. I've never been able to cum while having sex. And the last couple times it was hard to become erect and stay erect. But those times were with girls I didn't really love. The first time I had sex was amazing. But I didn't finish because I didn't want to hurt her. But I knew I could cum. It was many years after that, until I had sex again. And it just wasn't like it was when I first had sex, when I had sex with someone I cared about. Though I thought I could really care about this person. The sad thing is that this outlook on love and sex is. I had been a virgin till then despite messing around with my best friend Burt, butbthen both at sixteen Burt and I had not had sexual relations with a female or so I thought. A year later Burt confessed his older sister had been fucking him since he was fifteen till she became engaged to her fiancé. Mom and I only messed around occasionally as we Didn,tbwant to get caught by my Father or brother. By early 1963 I joined the Army National Guard and spentbtwo months at Ft Ord, California undergoing basic infantry training. It was fortunate that on my way home from California to eastern South Dakota by bus it was so cold I wore my heavy uniform overcoat as Andrea the young Jewish girl I met on the bus was a passionate young thing a few years older than me. I think it was the uniform that attracted her, but we hit it off straight away and spent fifteen hours sat next to each other on the bus,:most of the time in darkness and the coat hid our actions to an extent as we fingered each other.
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