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And, I certainly stood out as well. I was a novelty. Something new to them—an academically and artistically inclined New Yorker overseas for the first time. I relished the attention this position gave me and for the first time in my life felt understood and even lauded by my peers. The only place in which I initially didn’t excel was with women. Years of rejection back home left me shy and unable to approach girls, especially those to whom I felt truly physically attracted. My typically fluid conversation skills would falter around beautiful girls, unable to sound natural when all I could think about was what it would feel like to kiss them, touch them, to be inside them. It was debilitating and exceptionally awkward for me considering, how confidant and at ease I seemed to all of my new friends. Most nights I would return to my host family—a boy my age, Stefan, who was tasked with showing me around the school and his single mother, Helen—and relieve the pressure of the day’s. “Excuse me?” I said.“I know this is a little sudden, but I’ve been thinking it over, and I think you and I would be a good match. There would for sure be some speed bumps along the way, but overall, a good match. So, big guy, whaddya think?” she said. I stared some more. I figured to be doing a lot of that.“Huh?” I said. She sighed and sagged back on the divan where she’d taken a seat.“I’m not going to shit you, Julian, the bad guys—in your opinion—asked me what I thought of the idea. At first, I wanted to laugh. I mean I’m for sure not in Ava’s league or Marian’s. But then I thought, why the hell not. I mean why not put it put out there and see if I might be able to reel in the fish this time. So many have wiggled off the hook in the past, that well ... just maybe,” she said. I stared some more.“You’re serious aren’t you!” I said. “I mean this isn’t just some deal to make me feel less bad or something?”“Yes, it’s serious. I told the bad guys that it was highly unlikely that you and I.
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