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I truly wanted to give it to you. I wanted you to have it. Even today, I wish you had been my first rather than that asshole, Martin Sullivan. Talk about a mistake that I regret." Greg looked at me with disbelief, as though he could not understand what I was saying. I continued, "Greg, I used to masturbate fantasizing about you being my first. In fact, on occasion, I still do. You need to let yourself 'off the hook' on this one. You did not hurt me by the intimacies we shared. You hurt me by abandoning me for the past twenty years." Greg took another drink and seemed unsure of what to say, so I went on, "Greg, I loved you. And it hurt deeply to lose you from my life." I started to cry. Greg set his drink down on the table between our chairs and stood in front of me. He took my hand, and pulled me into a standing position and hugged me firmly. "I am so sorry that I that I ran and hid. I promise it won't happen again." "See that it doesn't," I sobbed, my tears were soaking his shirt as. I didn’t want James with a condom. I wanted him bare. James saw my reaction and rolled his eyes. ‘Xiara.’ I shook my head. ‘No, James. No condoms!’ He glared hard at me. ‘Why?’ I sat all the way up. ‘Because I don’t want you covered. I want you bare.’ James simply shook his head and ignored me, continuing as he pulled the rolled latex out of the package and sheathed himself with it. I didn’t bother to argue, only got up off the sofa and began to walk away. I wasn’t going to compromise on this one. I had compromised on far too much by then. And I was determined to stand my ground. Only a few steps into my bedroom, I felt myself being grabbed and yanked backwards. I screamed. James slapped his hand over my mouth and pulled me hard against him. ‘Damn it all Xiara, you got me hot and bothered now YOU will fix it!’ I struggled and struggled only to be overpowered and forced onto the bed. James didn’t waste any time forcing my legs apart and shoving himself into me. I thrashed and tried to.
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