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"I had just opened my eyes to what looked like a hospital room. How did I get here? Oh, now I remember. I was out in the Gulf with my parents on our small boat when there was an explosion. The last thing I remember was a wall of flames coming toward me. Everything went blank, and now I find myself waking up to stare at a man bending over me. He was dressed in what I guess were pale blue hospital scrubs, though they didn't look exactly like anything I had ever seen on the TV hospital shows."Where are Mom and Dad? Did they get out alright? Where am I?" Please don't get excited, Billy. We are still trying to stabilize you. Everything will be explained in just a few minutes. Just let me finish my work, first. We don't want you to be harmed any more than necessary."That sounded reasonable, so I tried to relax as much as a 16-year-old boy could under the circumstances. While I am waiting, I'll describe myself. I'm nothing special to look at, I'm 5'-8" tall and weigh 147 pounds. Yeah, I. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.The man says: “I’m sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed: ‘Guess who?’”“But why?” asks the man.“I’m a divorce lawyer.” the man replies.You may have heard about the Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.By Southern California standards, someone owning 100,000 rounds is considered “mentally unstable”.In Michigan, he’d be called “The last white guy still living in Detroit.”In Minnesota & Wisconsin, he’d be called “ALMOST ready for deer season”.In Arizona, he’d be called “An avid gun collector.”In Arkansas, he’d be called “A novice gun collector.”In Utah, he’d be called “Moderately well prepared,” but they’d probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of.
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