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" Just think of what you could do with it. You could get a newbody which wasn't so saggy!" Yeah? Well you could get one that wasn't hung like a chipmunk!"***"Do you think she's ready for that?" Lucy's mother asked. "Idon't want to be one of those parents that push their kids toofar too fast."The instructor nodded. "I wouldn't suggest it unless she reallywas ready, but she has a level of control over that horse that isalmost uncanny. I've never seen a twelve-year-old with her innateability. You've seen the way she tackles out courses. It'salmost as if her and the horse are one being."***The audience applauded as Alisha turned to the camera. "Welcomeback! Today subject's is 'I'm having an affair with a woman halfmy age and I'm proud'. She turned to the stage where a fifty yearold balding man sat with a twenty-year-old, very well-endowedwoman. "Bill, you left your wife of thirty years to be withShelly. Do you really think your betrayal is something to beproud of?" I don't see it as. I would like to know who I am inviting into my house but if you won’t tell me I’ll invite you anyway.’ ‘Malcolm, my name is Iolanthe. Will you invite Iolanthe into your house?’ ‘Yes. Iolanthe, will you condescend to enter my house as my guest and let me carry you across the threshold and up the stairs to my bedroom?’ ‘Yes Malcolm.’ She swung herself into my arms as I held them out to her. She snuggled her head against my shoulder as I staggered back to the house through the back door and towards the stairs. Iolanthe was a substantial fairy. By the time I had reached the top of the stairs I was panting from the effort. I pushed the bedroom door open with a knee. I lowered Iolanthe to the bed and straightened myself up, feeling the relief as the strain of carrying her was gone. Iolanthe was smiling at me. ‘Well done, Malcolm. You’re not as unfit as you think you are.’ ‘And I thought fairies were small and as light as a feather…’ ‘That’s not very polite, and anyway it’s a myth. Fairies.
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