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I had 20 minutes to get to Powell’s, the bookstore, where I’m meeting an old friend of mine from high school. Rummaging through my dresser I realize I have no underwear left, so I decide to wear a dress that hopefully will cover everything. I opt for a light blue number with spaghetti straps that can hold up my rather large breasts without a bra and rush out of my apartment. The friend, Connor, and I met my sophomore year of high school. We became close pretty fast. It helped that we lived so close to one another. I haven’t seen him since graduation, which was 3 years ago. Sprinting down the street I finally find myself in front of the store. I take a few minutes to calm down and readjust everything before walking in. “Abby?” I hear from behind me. “Connor!” I throw my arms around him and give him a hug. Wow. He’s definitely gotten stronger since the last time I saw him. I take his whole 6’2” frame in. God I missed him. We decide to peruse the books while catching up. We end up. The idea that she might decide to try it was keeping me up all night with gut-twisting hard-ons. The hypocrisy, the injustice, the unfairness, her pleasure, all of it was the sweetest, deepest, and most erotic pain for me. The thought of loving her so much that I could give that freedom, filled me with even more love. I learned that this feeling is called compersion, and I had it in spades. I felt such passion for her. I was gripped with the strongest desire to see her in sexual ecstasy with another man. It was a chicken and egg thought process. My desire to deny myself and give this to her made me feel compersion, which in turn made me want to express my love to her through giving her experiences with other men because only this would fully express the selflessness that is intrinsic to the compersion itself.Now that I felt this compersion, it would have been enough on its own to make me desire for her to have this freedom, and yet in what seemed like a contradiction, it was that.
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