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Often she sat behind me and I lay back in her arms, feeling safe and warm in her embrace.I have never been as madly in love with anyone as I was with McKayla, which is strange since I really don't consider myself a lesbian. I am sexually attracted to men; I always have been. Until McKayla came along, I had never been with a woman; heck, I had never even kissed a woman until my twenty-third birthday when I drunkenly stuck my tongue down her throat Still, there is a part of me that believes that I could never love anyone as much as I loved McKayla, save our daughter.She was the perfect complement to me. When I was with her, I felt like I could never want for anything else. Her touch was reassuring. Her kisses electric. When she smiled at me, my heart melted. She was strong and self-assured. Yet she feared relationships. Because of her disease, she feared emotional intimacy and commitment.When I was twelve, my mother died in a car accident, and my father died when I was seventeen.. For a moment she just stood there, paralyzed in shock at the fact that mild-mannered Lee Dramen had become so violent. After another minute I hear heavy footfalls coming down the stairs. I looked just in time to see my sister yank Amanda and drag her up the stairs by her hair. There was a loud slap! that sounded more like a crack! and a girly scream. Then I heard my sister yell. Dont you ever even LOOK at my brother ever again! Dont even walk by our house on the street! and then there was the slam of the front door and I heard my sister coming down the stairs. Lee&hellip,? she called, looking at me staring emotionless at the ceiling. Lee, Im sorry&hellip, Im so sorry, I would have never let her in had I known&hellip, I looked at her. Why do you care? You hate me, remember? I said, my voice surprisingly level. She looked sad at that. I do not hate you&hellip,I dislike you. Theres a big difference. You live the perfect life and mom and dad think Im shit. Im your older sister, but I.
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