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Last week, you came home & you didn’t even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.Your EX-Wife.Don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving to New Zealand together! Have a great life!REPLY:Dear Ex-wife, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.It’s true you & I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & bitching. Too bad that doesn’t work anymore.I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say something. William sat at an electric type writer and wrote a letter on the finepaper he had purchased at the stationer. The letter was from thestepfather of a Miss Valerie Swindon, a name he had made up on the spotwhen the whole idea came to him. He explained that he was a widower whotravelled extensively for business and needed to place Valerie into asuitable boarding school. Mr Styles would pay for his stepdaughter'stutelage by cashier's cheque annually and he would send Valerie anyincidentals she needed.Mr Styles would of course take his stepdaughter Valerie home during theschool breaks but his mining and prospecting company kept him away most ofthe year.Attached were letters of recommendation from Valerie's tutors and schoolreports from the other two schools she had attended.It took William the rest of the day to write those reports on differentstationery for each, and to make them look appropriately aged wherenecessary.William had chain smoked a dozen Benson and Hedges while he worked.
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